No More Combining Jeans With Sport Coats

I'm tired of seeing dudes combining jeans with a sports coat.  "Hey look I'm a hip successful urbanite, not some minion of Cthulhu, who through consumerism will bring his destructive return."  It is a subterfuge to try and seem more casual but the guys that do it are haughty dicks.  Although sport coats did have their beginnings as leisurely attire, it is now seen as more formal wear.  So make your choice: Rick Blaine or Joey Ramone.

Memorials Make Tools

Japanese America Claiming his Americanness after Pearl Harbor.  Sneaky Jap.
Photograph by Dorothy Lange

Memorials are made to help us remember certain events, not always a tragic, or people, most likely dead.  That seems a fitting way to honor people and events that have had great significance for posterity.  It keeps the memories of these people and events alive long after they occurred.  However, I have a problem with people using memorials either to obscure certain facts that occurred or worse; completely change or omit the facts about past events.  What comes to mind, apropos, is Pearl Harbor.  The Memorial and all other celebrations surrounding that day don’t consider the events that led up to and followed that wretched day; American expansion into the Pacific caused an inevitable confrontation between the two big dogs in Michael Vick’s cadre of dogfighters; and after Pearl Harbor, the horrible policy enacted towards Japanese Americans, placing them in concentration camps, although we refer to them as internment camps now (concentration camp has such an ugly reverberation to it because of those Nazi dicks).  People will just assume that the treacherous Charlie Chan'ed mustachioed, bucktooth Japanese had nothing better to do on December 7th.  I am not trying to excuse the actions of the Japanese, it was cowardly yet well planned attack (think of the logistics involved, put UPS to shame) but we must not look at this event with rose colored glasses: it showed the world Americas resilience.  We must look at this event in conjunction with other concurrent crucial events.  It is necessary for people to remember antecedents and what they mean to us as individuals and as an amalgam of disparate peoples.  But we must not let memorials be used as tools of deception and indoctrination, best way to do this is to read as many books on the given subject, that way you can have your own informed views on the events that said memorial is memorializing.  To reiterate: I implore everybody to read because if we don’t, through underuse, though could become a vestigial structure. 

Occupy Wall Street Eviction

My boy, Langhorne

These occupy wall street pussies are getting kicked out of downtown Los Angeles.  As in other post I don't want to encourage violence but these protestors need to sack-up.  Non violence only works when you have a charismatic minority that does something wild like starve himself.  If they want to effectuate change than they need some martyrs that are willing to die for their cause (whatever that is).  seriously what is the endgame here.  Do they think that these greedy financial institutions, who with the help of the government have diluted the American Dream, turning it from a fine wine to a shity grape juice, will see the error of their ways and return all the money that they have hoarded like avaricious little squirrels.  Again I don't condone violence, but I don't see how non-violence will get these pusillanimous pricks closer to initiating the fundamental change that is necessary to save the weary.  All that can be done is take take a step back and have a chuckle.

Lazy Planner

This is not an endorsement to hurt the President of the United States.  I want to make it clear that I love this country so there is no need for the Secret Service to get involved because of the following commentary.  

AP picture of the alleged White House Shooter

If you are going fire weapons at the White House with the intent to maliciously hurt the president than make sure he is home.  Your going to get in trouble either way so you might as well go balls deep with your plan; you took the time to get guns and survey the area but you forgot the most important part of your plan, the whereabouts of your potential target.  For Christ’s nuts Obama’s trips to Hawaii and California were widely covered by the media.  He was at the televised North Carolina vs. Michigan State game that was held on the USS Carl Vinson, the ship that gave B. Lad his burial at sea.  What an asshole (both B. Lad and the dumb ass white house shooter)

I'd Vote for Putin

Vladamir Putin, Russia's Prime Minister, has come out with a very sexy commercial encouraging his young cool tovarisches to vote for the conservative Putin.  Putin is running for his third term as president and if his commercial delivers on its promise, well, god bless President Putin.  Here is a link to the video http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-503544_162-57323638-503544/russian-voting-booths-heat-up-in-new-ad/ 

If voting is like this, I have been doing it wrong for a long time.

Current Affairs

Ramita Navai's always ready for the business

Was watching Frontline on Syrian unrest, because it is very important to keep up with the goings on of the common struggling man, and I fell in love with Ramita Navai, the British journalist.  From that point on it was hard for me to sympathize with the plight of the Syrian dissidents; I was enthralled with Ramita’s dignified presence.  In the presence of fear she stood upright and continued to talk about resilience or something, I don’t really remember.  Goddamn she’s hot.  So fuck Bashar, because Ramita says so.

Red White and Blowing Your Mind

By Leroy Hines

Western Civilization is greatly indebted to Ancient Greece.  They were a superpower even before that fatuous word was ever used.  It’s sad to saw to see how far bellow the rock they have sunk, like a prizefighter with some sort of dementia.  But that is the natural course of great empires: they rise and they fall.  This invites the question, is the U. S. on the wrong end of their life span?  Or is this just one of those “raise yourself by your boot straps moment”, that will only make us that much more awesomer.  I think it’s the latter but only because it took the Greeks thousands upon thousand of years to get to this point.  Than again the U. S. has always been an innovator and I think they could go to shit quicker than any other sovereign state has ever gone to shit.  That’s what you call American Exceptionalism. 

South Park's Got The Right Idea

V for Vendetta by Allan Moore & David Lloyd

Yesterday’s episode of South Park entitled “1%” exemplifies the asinine attempt of the 99% to enact change through “non-violent protest.”  I’m not trying to say that the occupy Wall Street protesters don’t have a point; the so-called 1% did screw everybody else over just to make an easy buck.  But we were complicit by letting them get away with it and electing ineffectual representatives that allow these sorts of shenanigans to occur.  But back from my tangential mini tirade, best moment of the episode was when they have some protestor, wearing a Guy Fawkes mask, dancing.  Many of the occupy Wall Street dickholes have also been seen wearing these masks.  Yet I would wager my soul that not many of them know who Guy Fawkes was and what he stood for.  He was just some uber-Catholic that was pissed that his religion was marginalized.  Religious oppression has no significance in the protest that is going on today.  They should adopt some more relevant heroes instead of something that they saw in a movie while they were tripping hard (it wasn’t even a good movie, read the comic book instead).  

Youth Is Wasted On The Young

George Bernard Shaw was one smart mutha.  Although not a psychologist he understood human behavior, the truth, which he claimed was funnier than any joke.  The Occupy Wall Street, Los Angeles Franchise, exemplifies what George Bernard meant with his famous and overly used quote.  They have the spirit to try and enact change; they just don’t have the drive and the focus to do it.  What they need is some charismatic leader that espouses the vilification of some evil, real or created.  They need to read Hoffer’s True Believer to get the blueprint on how to create a mass movement.  Untill they do they will just continue to smoke refer and clash amongst themselves.  Good Luck Scheizekopfs

That's Organization!

Did Black Walnut Bust a Nut?

Herman Cain has been accused of sexually harassing some femeninas over a decade ago (get over it ladies).  Black Walnut vehemently denies these wild allegations but it seems strange that the organization that Herman Cain was involved in at the time paid off these women so that they would not discuss there accusations in public.  Something don’t seem right.  But these allegations also make sense considering Herman Cains past behavior: last week he started his speech to the AFRW by yelling, “were the white women at” *; during the republican presidential debate he argued, quite elegantly, about his constitutional right to “bang as many woman as God would allow”*; at the Western Republican Leadership conference he told every women there, “get a task of Black Walnut.” *  Herman Cain you can count on my vote. **

*May have only happened in bloggers imagination

**Not really

Michele Bachmann Makes A Retarded “Retardation” Comment.

Who makes overarching statements that have no factual basis?  This time it’s not Bill O’Reilly.  Michele Bachmann has had some bonehead moments (wishing Elvis a happy birthday on the anniversary of his death), and people have just dismissed them as gaffes or slight oversights.  But on Tuesday morning’s Today show, Bachmann made a statement that led me to believe that her ostensibly ditsy statements were caused by something more than her narcissistic ignorance.  I think that Michele Bachmann might be mentally retarded.  Who goes on national television, without any proof, and blasts a beneficial vaccine.  There is no scientific evidence that supports Bachmann’s claim that the HPV vaccine causes mental retardation in developing girls.  Bachman must have taken the HPV vaccine when she was a developing young devochka.  She can’t be wrong all the time.  Check link out for Bachmann's full coments

We Shall Never Forget 9/11: The Kids Book of Freedom

St. Louis Publisher, Really Big Coloring Books, Inc, is publishing a coloring book that depicts the tragic events of 9/11.  The book ends happily though as a highly trained Navy SEAL shoots a cowering Osama Bin Laden.  You might wonder whether Really Big Coloring Books, Inc will do a tasteful job of portraying other people’s grief for profit.  But not to worry, RBCB has extensive experience in the cruel, not appropriate for kids, kids coloring book genre.  Here is a list of some of their classic works from their impressive catalog:

- Why Are Black People on The Roof Mommy? : The Hurricane Katrina Saga.

- The Trouble With Genocide: The Whimsical World of The Hutu and Tutsi.

- Keelhauled: I don’t care what The Beatles say I don’t want to go back to the USSR.

- 250 Years Of Prosperity: A History of The American Plantation Owner.

Cover Of  We Shall Never Forget 9/11: The Kids Book of Freedom

            For a complete list make it up yourself.

They Call Me Mr. Tubbs

As much as it pains me to say, people have the right to be fat.  I enjoy exercising and working-up a sweat.   If that’s not your thing I’m not going to chastise you and call you a fat ass because of your sedentary ways.  It takes all kinds.  But when I see a fat cop stuffing his amorphous face with empty calories, I tend to get a bit upset.  The fact that those select few who have sworn “to protect and to serve” can’t muster one sit-up is pretty disheartening.  I want John McClane protecting me not Chief Wiggum.

The Guilt of Receiving a Handout

When I was receiving unemployment insurance, I thought it was going to be the “Summer of George”.  I was going to have time to work on projects that I had set aside, because of time constraints, and I was also going to try and culture myself: maybe learn a foreign language visit some museums, fancy bullshit.  But as time progressed I found myself in a petrified state of transitory life (I became lazy).  I started on many of the projects but never got around to completing them, rationalizing to myself that “something was not quite right so there was no point in finishing.”  Something else occurred during this period of decomposition: there was a malaise that pervaded my being.  I reasoned that it was my total lack of direction that was the problem, and although it was a source of shame, it was not at the root cause of my anguish.  I soon realized it was my fortuitous circumstance that was so distressing.  I felt guilty that I was getting paid like a fat cat to do absolutely nothing (if the government asks I was looking for a job).  When I divined the source of my troubles I still did not make any adjustments, it was enough to know that I wasn’t clinically depressed or worse maturing.  Nope, the “Summer of George” continued until all resources were depleted.

Christian Family Radio Presents The Rapture

Mad Max Himself
photo by Alen Light

The Rapture has come and gone.  The chosen few have ascended to heaven and the rest of us are left to suffer through JC’s numinous and omniscient judgment.   There are certain people that have the audacity to claim that the Rapture did not occur reasoning that no one has made there way to heaven.  I say the reason you don’t see people make their triumphant journeys to the Kingdom, is because not many people got into heaven.  Last time I checked it was fucking hard to get into heaven.  It’s not like trying to get into Arizona State; heaven has very unrealistic standards for acceptance.  On that note, congratulations to the two beings that got into heaven: Mel Gibson and the one Christian priest that did not diddle any kids.  To those left behind, let the good times roll.

It's an Illusion

I was at a local bar last night when suddenly the collective male eye shifted its focus to the entrance of the unassuming establishment.  Two young femeninas walked in but only one was garnering all of the attention.  This lovely lady’s cream and black sheath dress, which was particularly flattering on her form, caused every man’s jaw to drop.  Still her companion was for the most part being ignored.  As time and tide went on, I got a better view of the woman wearing the sheath dress and I notice that she was not as attractive as my initial impression led me to believe.  In fact, I determine that her demurely dressed friend was far better looking than the woman with the sheath dress; she was astounding.  

  

How could any man, infused with a cocktail of alcohol and testosterone, have missed such a rare beauty?  It was that damn woman with the sheath dress playing visuals tricks on the room’s denizens.  She was like an anglerfish, bringing her prey closer and closer with her luminescent lure, impossible to ignore in a world of such utter blackness.  I would lay all the blame on the seductively dressed woman, but really she just knew how to play the game: men have low attention spans and she was just using visual cues to “catch her pray.”  Fortunately for me the stakes here were not life or death.

May is Random Subject Awareness/History Month

Who makes up these arbitrary "Awareness/History" months?  I know that breast cancer awareness is a laudable cause and that Black History Month is a reflection of American history and Culture, but who decides on the month in which they are held.  Breast Cancer awareness is in October.  Doesn't really scream Breasts.  Why not january?  January always seemed like a more feminine month, and I know thats sort of sexist but mostly women get breast cancer and therefore a bit more logical.  May is the awareness month of some random issues, therefore I have decided to make May Random Subject Awareness Month.  My issue has some good company: May is Asthma Awareness Month, Zombie Awareness Month, Motorcycle Safety Awareness Month, stroke Awareness Month, Perinatal Awareness Month, and Foster Care Month.  Here's to Awareness months that nobody cares a flying Penguin about.

Outsider Artist Unite!

Henry Joseph Darger Jr.
Author and illustrator of The Story of the Vivian Girls...

More people should undertake artistic endeavors.  If you play a musical instrument, compose a melody.  If you’re a raconteur, spin a yarn in prose.  If you can paint, sculpt, or draw, use those skills to transform the mundane into imaginative works of visual pleasure.  Don’t expect to gain any substantial mainstream recognition for your works.  But if you’re lucky, by the time sweet, sweet death has you in its clutches your oeuvre could be discovered by your landlord.  You would be in good company with Henry Darger.

Apotheosis of Dreck

Lieutenant Colonel T.E. Lawrence

Surprise, surprise, I have an axe to grind.  Exceptional individuals have been romanticized since before Homer took that strange odyssey.  Movies continued this tradition of elevating individuals to Olympian proportions.  Lawrence of Arabia exemplifies this romanticized view that is created by films.  David Lean placed T.E. Lawrence on a pedestal, while at the same time exemplifying some of the man's flaws.  Those halcyon days of healthy hero worship are over.  Instead of complex characters portrayed by talented actors, we have a celebration of highly paid actors, most of whom appear in subpar features an deliver mediocre performances.  We need to romanticize people, wether fictional or real, that we strive to be like because we admire their accomplishments and contributions to the world.  We idolize Angelina Jolie because she is rich, famous and beautiful, and not because she is an extremely talented actress, who also has many philanthropic causes.  Exceptionalism reigns on high,  yet the arts remain in the gutter.  Give me Jef Costello over Robert Downey Jr.

Good Publicity is Bad Publicity. Or is it The Other Way Around

There was no saving grace for Los Angeles after the Mother's Day massacre save for the fact that Andrew Bynum will  sell shitloads of his Celebrity Sweat Workout video.  After his sadistic foul on the diminutive JJ Barea on Sunday's game,  Bynum was ejected.  On his way back to the locker room, Andrew mustard up all of his class, and in the dignified fashion that is synonymous with professional athletes, removed his jersey, revealing the sinewy features of a God, or a certain Achebean tragic hero   And like Okonkwo, will Andrew become a pariah,  his reputation tarnished because of his unchecked rage.  Most likely not Okonkwo was a victim of a cultural change that occurred in his tribal society.  Andrew Bynum on the other hand is a product of these changing times.  Unsettling as it may be this is just a sign of things to come.